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Your Drunk Stories

Share your classic, funny and outrageous drunk stories here! Also, be sure to read some of the other stories and vote “+” if you like it, and “-” if you don’t. To add your own story to be voted on by fellow drunks, just type it into the “Leave a Reply” section at the bottom.




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28 Comments

  1. admin says:

    Just an example from my hero, of what can be posted here.

    The Famous Sushi Pants Story, by Tucker Max
    “I used to think that Red Bull was the most destructive invention of the past 50 years. I was wrong. Red Bull has been usurped by the portable alcohol breathalyzer. The same device that cops have been using for 10 years to conduct field sobriety tests is now offered by the Sharper Image for $99. It is the size and shape of a small cell phone with a clear round tube sticking up from the top, almost like an antenna. One blows into the tube, and a few seconds later a Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) reading is given. Though not as accurate as a blood test, they are accurate to within .01, which is good enough for my purposes.”

    I was living in Boca Raton, Florida, when I bought one to take out with me on a Saturday night. This is the story:” — Tucker Max. read the rest here – http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/the_famous_sushi_pants_story.phtml#277

  2. Chris says:

    http://www.thesharkguys.com/

    Tokyo teens rings up $3500 bar tab!

  3. too many says:

    Ok so a couple of friends and i went out on a friday just 4 a couple of drinks. we deserved it after a long week it school. Basically i got drinking – i had 6 long islands, 2 sex on the beach, and after that i was drunk couple barely walk out of the bar. So i got home around 11:30 and called up a friend, and he knew i was drunk and he was 2. I ended up meeting him up at his house had a couple of more drinks. one thing led to another ended up in his room and hooked up, and his parents were home! lol i left around 3:30 and as i was getting on the freeway i hit the center divider. called the cops, and i was extremely nervous because now i had to take a DUI test and i was in 4 inch heels, i took off my shoes, past the damn test, and got a new car in a week.

  4. Kibs says:

    It all started off with a trip to the mall on a friday night with two of my best friends. Both, unfortunately named Mike. So for the sake of comprehension, we’ll call them Mike 1 and Mike 2.

    After a while, we decided it’d be a good idea for them to crash at my house after we pick up two bottles of Vodka (The 1.75 Liter sized) and three 40s of… Sterling Silver I think it was.

    After being kicked out of my Fiancee’s house by her mother, we picked up some Caffiene pills (Since it was already pretty late, around 3) and some Red Bull for the Vodka at a CVS. Then we headed to my house. We each cracked open a 40 and held a toast to good times and dead friends.

    I was the first to finish my 40. That’s when I made my mistake. I started hitting the Vodka mixed with Red Bull. And when we ran out of Red Bull I mixed with Orange Juice. Now I don’t like orange juice, so I was downing it quickly on an empty stomach. The last thing I remember was squinting at my computer’s clock and reading “5:20 AM” in almost undistinguishable lettering. Then all went black for a second. I woke up on my couch, still drunk, only to look over and find Mike and a couch cushion missing. Then came that unavoidable feeling. I walked to the bathroom and sat in front of the toilet. Two orange, chunky pukes later, I walked out into the middle of my room. I looked down and saw Mke 2 passed out on my missing couch cushion and using my curtains as blankets. I got a call from my fiancee’ explaining what happened. Apparently, I pissed on my blanket, in Mike 1’s shoe, all over a cookie tin, and then I fell backwards onto Mike 1. Mike 2 had to take the bottle of Vodka away from me so I didn’t dink myself to death. Then, Mike 2 passed out and I was slapping him for around a half an hour, trying to wake him up. All the while saying “Dude I think he’s dead man! We gotta’ wake him up!”. Thankfully, Mike 1 stayed concious enough to remember all that. So let’s see what I racked up as far as a bill.

    Booze – $40

    3 packs of cigarettes – $20
    (Can’t find mine, Mike 2 thinks I smoked them)

    Pack of Red Bull – $5

    caffeine pills – $4
    (Which I can’t find either)

    Mike 1’s left shoe – $50
    (of course you can’t but just a left shoe though so I owe him $100)

    Memories – Priceless

    So all in all I racked up a spendage of $169 in one Friday and some of a Satrday. Mike 1 was a bit pissed that I pissed in his $100 shoes, but we’re good now, especially since I promised to pay him back.

  5. JBART says:

    It was the Saturday before Thanksgiving 08′ and I went from my dorm to my buddies house a few blocks from campus. For a month prior I had been drinking nothing but high class/price Belgium beers (I’d just turned 21) and decided it would be a good move to move to something a little stronger. My choice of drink, Tanqueray, which is always bad news bears for anyone involved. Anyway, I’m at my friend’s house and two of the guys there play hockey for the school’s team and had 3 semi professional cheerleaders there. All three were freakin hott and absolutely getting rowdy. My buddy hooked me up with some tonic water and I had 4 G+T’s. We played some beer pong, civil war, and speed ball and then all went out.

    By the forth bar I could tell I was going to black out. We were all at Panini’s and I was throwing massive game at one of the cheerleaders (most likely she was too wasted to know how bad it was). We all decided to walk and get a cab home. That was the last thing I remembered. When I came to, I was halfway falling face first into the concrete with the one cheerleader on my back.

    The next day my friends told me the rest. Basically, I was giving this girl a piggy back for 3 or 4 blocks and just slipped on some ice or was just too wasted to stand. When I fell the girl hit her head and ran into the closest bar with her friends to wash off the blood. I on the other hand, had blood rushing down my face and onto the pavement. My friends said I stood up instantly and started smiling. The first thing they noticed besides all the blood was that I knocked out 3 of my teeth. At first, my friends thought it was bad but then just thought a head injury would have a lot of blood and i’d be ok. They were wasted and were debating if they should take me to the hospital. They came up to me and one of my buddies poked at my gash to see how bad it was. After a little looking around they both gasped and one almost puked. I apparently asked them what happend and the one doing the poking says to me, “dude we all just saw your fucking skull”. A friend took off his undershirt and gaused my head with it. The next day that shit looked like the shrowd of turin. I got to the hospital and got 15 stitches which costed around 800 bones for the insurance company. I had 2 caps which were a $1k each. That was the guiness book of work records for the most fucking expensive piggyback ride.

  6. vinny says:

    It was my birthday and I had nothin to do really so I went to my friends apartment on a college campus who decided to have a party for my bday. I walked in at about 7 and it was jus a couple of my bros sittin around. I immediatly bonged 2 beers in like 10 seconds. People started to come over and I had already drank about 4 beers. We all took 2 shots and toasted to my birthday. We played beer pong for like 1 hour straight and by the end of that I was pretty drunk. So of course the best thing for me to do was to start a power hour, which if u dont know is when u take a shot of beer a minute for an hour. I got through about 30 minutes then decided to get up and maybe dance a little with the girls that came over but it was harder than i thought it would be. For some reason we decided to go play basketball at around 2am and we met the funniest guy ever. It was some dude who was obviously really drunk to, but he told us that 2 fat girls were tryin to rape him and we laughed so hard. I’ll never forget his quote describing her he said “bitch look like she ate 6 pumpkins” It was the funniest moment of my life. We went back to his apartment and i guess i threw up and passed out at least thats what they tell me. haha thats one of my favorite stories.

  7. raven says:

    one day me and my friends go to the corner store to get some munchies. we find money in the atm machine. we obviously take get two 18 packs and bring it back to the dorms. it was four of us. we all drink it within about an hour and a half. we take the rest of the money and get weed. we smoke on the baseball field of the school. we see the sprinklers on and go running through the sprinklers pretending were actually playing. were sliding all over the place, throwing our bodies all over the place, screaming and laughing. the whole time thinking no one can see us. we pass out in the field satring up at the stars. the next day were walking back from the field and i look to my right and i noticed the field is right in front of the boys dorms if anyone hapened to look out their window they could have seen the whole thing.

  8. Colin Lark says:

    Check out the website and the book titled: “What the F@ck Happened Last Night?”

  9. bokita jonesensen says:

    so about two weeks ago i go SUPER DRUNK!!! i was driving home, running away from the cops, and laughing my ass off! i surpriseingly lost them! then when i got home i fell out of the car and started rolling around in the middle of the street. i climbed to the top of a light post and knocked off the light, STILL LAUGHING! I CRAWLED into my house and taped my self and my computer to the ceiling and i still cant get down and when i pee its like the ceiling is raining. i even called my boyfriend the wrong name! I CANT BELIEVE I DID THAT!!! do u know any body that can get me down im lonely. how bout a firefighter? PLEASE HELP!!!

  10. Cisco Kidd says:

    I recently visited Colin Larks “What the F… Happened Last Night?”, and frankly i couldnt get myself past the first short story. It sounded so fake and farfetched that it seemed impossible for someone to do something so stupid. The whole thing is a hoax and that book would be a waste of money to anyone who bought it, Colin needs to come back to reality and stop trying to live in Tucker Max’s shadow. Its been done kid give it up!

  11. Crispin says:

    Wicker and I have decided that it would be a good idea not to get ‘Loser Drunk’ so often. we decided this over breakfast the other day, this was after we both awoke up side down on Tom’s sofa at 6 that morning – a sofa that is literally less than 100 meters from my flat. Obviously we are not giving up being loser drunk ever, that would be ridiculous, but we will try to bring it down to an acceptable level like once a week. Well, at first, you know – one step at a time Martin – with a view to reducing this to once a month over the course of teh year.

    We established the following as FAIL criteria for ‘Loser Drunk':

    If we wake up next to each other
    If you wake up:
    not at home but near to home
    outside
    on the sofa
    on the floor
    in your clothes
    in prison
    somewhere weird

    full list is here:
    http://sinktherock.org/2009/jan/1/criteria-loser-drunk

  12. Sharkaholic says:

    Minivan Hotel

    Grand Prix weekend in Montreal is an absolute war zone. For one weekend, the high rollers bring out their hot shot cars and line em’ up on Crescent street in the heart of downtown for the people to “oooh” and “ahhh” at. High class hookers line the streets as they are ogled by drunken men and petty, jealous women. It is a yearly scene that draws in hundreds of thousands of tourists to this city and is easily one of the most depraved shitshow weekends of the year. So the fellas and I decided to go take a look see at the Saturday night mayhem.

    It was me, BrownTown, his girlfriend CinBad, Ukraine, his girlfriend at the time Ram, CG13 and two acquaintances Robo and Roxy. We met up at Dimsums condo where Cardiff and DMilz were hanging out to smash a bunch of beers before going up to Crescent for a taste of the real mayhem. We got liquored up for a few hours then took off to find the real party.

    Somehow on the way there, Cardiff, Dimsum and DMilz got sidetracked and we got separated. The rest of us walked Crescent looking for a place to get into but everything was packed. We knew what to expect but like the assholes we were, we figured there’d be no problem shooting into a night club at midnight on one of the busiest club/bar nights of the year. So, as usual when we soil ourselves on our timing, we turn to Sir Winston Churchill’s, land of the cougars. It’s a safe bet you’ll get into this place unless you can’t stand up and somehow, I managed to fool the bouncer into thinking I was reasonably sober. He let me loose into the bar and things began to deteriorate from there.

    Ukraine was on one of his fucking shooter night vibes and he was filling my mouth with anything ranging from vodka to some fairy stuff that tasted sweet, like an angel. Well when Ukraine gets me all liquored up on shots, I become the most generous person in the world and rounds were bought. I’m sure some lucky, unsuspecting bastards standing next to me got a few shots and a hug from me during the night. Anyways, at this point, I’m fucking flying on a new previously undiscovered drunken cloud. I’m leaning against the bar talking to BrownTown and Ukraine about something unimportant when the girls start laughing. We turn to check out what was so funny when we see this goofball dancing it up on the dance floor.

    This guy was wearing some weird pants, a sparkling silver shirt and a skull and crossbones bandana. Even as hammered as I was, I knew this guy looked ridiculous. So without much thought, I made my way over behind him and started dancing in a mocking way. My dancing is a mockery in itself but the fact it was geared at this guy had my friends laughing hysterically by the bar. Pretty soon a few others took notice in this ugly scene and found it funny. Sure enough, my target eventually caught on and kept trying to catch me doing whatever was making these people laugh around him. Like the idiot I was, the second he’d turn to me I would stop moving completely and scratch my head as if I had some intense idea I was trying to wrap my brain around. Keep in mind we were in the middle of the dance floor so I just looked like I might have been retarded or maybe gay.

    Closing time was around the corner so we got out of the bar and went to a pizza place next to Concordia University, at the corner of Mackay and De Maisonneuve. I managed to order a slice, bumped into an old buddy from my days at the movie theatre, shot the shit (maybe he understood some of it, who knows), made my way up the seven stairs to join my buddies and tried to sit down on a chair. Now, at this point, everything went into slow motion. I sat on the plastic chair, which could not handle my drunken way of sitting, propelling me backwards. My slice of pizza went airborne, and in the middle of my fall, a convertible filled with four smoking hot girls drove by. I landed on my back next to my slice of pizza and the sound of four of the hottest women I had ever seen laughing their asses off at me as they drove off.

    This upset me. What the fuck kind of chair is this? Who did those dirty bitches think they were? What the fuck is your problem? Unfortunately, most of these angry remarks were directed at a bunch of police officers about ten feet away. Someone managed to hail a cab before I really got us all into a bucket of shit and started us on our way home. As it turns out, we didn’t have enough for the full fare and this jerk off cabbie didn’t trust us enough to let us off at a bank (I might have played a role in that). He dropped us off a good ten minutes from BrownTown’s. I got out of the cab and promptly passed out on someone’s lawn.

    Now, this is the last I remember from the night. I blacked out the moment I stepped out of that cab. The rest has been either told to me or I pieced it together. I woke up the next morning completely reclined in the passenger seat of a minivan parked in a random person’s driveway. I had no idea whose van this was, I didn’t recognize the house that was towering in front of me and I barely recognized the environment. What was even more alarming was that I was wearing nothing but my boxer-briefs and my socks. Where the fuck are my clothes? My cell phone is lying on my stomach and it’s nearly 7 am. I text Cardiff to let him know of my predicament then look out the passenger window.

    On the front steps of the house are all my clothes, neatly folded. My shoes are placed together right in front of my clothes with my wallet and lighter sticking out of them. Everything seemed to be carefully placed and handled with the utter most care. I am perplexed…did I neatly fold my clothes and check for unlocked minivans to fall asleep in? Imagine the horror on the owners face had he/she opened the driver’s door to find a half-naked drunk passed out in their own vehicle? This was by far one of the weirdest places I had ever woken up in after the madness of a full blown drink fest.

    youreprettywhenidrink.com

  13. Colin Lark says:

    to the cisco kid, all lof the stories in my book are 100% true, maybe I am a dumbass but I wouldn’t write a book full of shit. you’re welcome for the copy as well

  14. The SofaKing says:

    To Colin Lark – Hey, the Cisco Kidd is not a part of SofaKingDrunk.com. Not sure if you think that, but we appreciate the copy of your book and our review for it is still pending. We welcome all comments and reviews from other readers and are not going to stop people from posting their thoughts.

  15. Colin Lark says:

    Right on, my bad, I was thinking it was you guys

  16. Skalick says:

    So one night we were having a bonfire in our driveway, and we were all having a good time. Shots were taken and many beer consumed. Next thing I know, I had to use the bathroom and bad. Surprise surprise! Well I went in the house then and ran downstairs, undoing my pants as I made my way there, I then pretty much fell into the toilet. I finished going #1 and was washing my hands and looking in the mirror when all of a sudden there was water running all over the floor. I had no idea what was going, I was pretty hammed. So I ran out side and told the owners of the house that there was water all over the bathroom. We then all went back inside and noticed that the tank of the toilet was cracked right in half. They asked me what I did and the only response that I had was, “I was just looking in the mirror and all of the sudden the toilet broke!” The next day they told what I was trying to persuade them to think happened the night before and I was so embarassed. Now I am the butt of jokes anytime there is a party. People for some reason would rather have me not use their bathroom when I have been drinking.

  17. Pub-Olympics says:

    This is one I’ve taken off my website…

    The Importance of Proper Labeling
    ———————————————–

    A few years ago, during the summer, a friend of mine, Jack, was doing a commercial pilot’s license at a nearby airport.

    On one occasion Jack had finished his exams one morning, so was having a few beers with his fellow trainee pilots that afternoon, before they were going to head into town, where I would meet up with him.

    Whilst getting a lift into town Jack called me to make arrangements as to where and when to meet up. He seemed very chatty, but in the middle of the call the line just went dead. About a minute later he called me back, and we sorted out the details.

    It was when I went to meet him that he explained what had happened. First up he said his phone had been smashed to bits which I didn’t believe as he had called me back. He then explained that he had had to use his SIM card in someone else’s phone.

    “As I was on the phone to you, I decided to stick my head out the window,” he recounted, “and then the phone just dropped out of my hand.

    “‘Stop the car! Stop the car!’ I called and we pulled up. I got out of the car and could see my phone about 50 yards back up the road looking OK. ‘Alright lads, wait here,’ I said, and then started jogging towards the phone. Just then an ambulance came down the road, and drove straight over it, breaking it into several thousand pieces.

    “The other problem I’ve got is that I’m going to have to get a replacement,” he continued. “I’ve been telling my parents about the new phone and no doubt they’ll want to see it. I can’t have them thinking that I’m any more of an arse than they do already.”

    Anyway, the evening continued on, and Jack and I ended up in a club, but then managed to get separated. Without his mobile phone Jack was difficult to get hold of, so I headed home, hoping to find him there, or at least thinking that’s where he’d head.

    I wasn’t too surprised to find out that I’d got home before him, but I wasn’t waiting too long before there was a knock at the door from Jack. Covered in branches, leaves and mud. Basically, the only way back to mine he knew was along the canal, and as he was worried about falling in, he had virtually dragged himself through the bushes on the other side of the path.

    Anyhow, I offered him a beer, which he opened before proceeding to fall asleep on the couch. I couldn’t argue that I was particularly surprised by this turn of events, so I grabbed a marker pen and drew ‘Twat’ on his forehead, before turning in for the night.

    The next morning I got up for work and sent Jack on his way to get his replacement phone. Unfortunately for Jack, he didn’t check his face in the mirror before leaving the house, but did notice that I was grinning rather excessively. “Just thinking about how much of a laugh last night was, Jack,” was my reply. So, off Jack toddled into town to replace his phone before going home.

    This next part is a bit of an illustration into why alcohol in the system from the previous night, combined with a naturally outgoing personality can be a problem. Naturally enough, the assistant noticed the writing on Jack’s forehead, and mentioned that there was something on his face. However, when Jack questioned him for more details he just said it was nothing, deciding that discretion was the better part of valour. Jack, aided on by the alcohol in his system, proceeded to tell the assistant all the details of how he had broken the phone, how he had been holding it out of the window of a moving car whilst having a conversation, how it had dropped out of his hand, and how the ambulance had driven over it, and that he needed to get an exact replacement as he didn’t want his parents thinking he was an arse…

    Just before lunchtime I got a text informing me that I was a tosser, and telling me that when he had got back to the flight school his mates had all been falling around the floor laughing, which was made worse by his continued asking of, “What’s so funny? What’s so funny?”

  18. james says:

    got sofa king drunk at my buddies house we were messing with each other playing reinderr ganes and i took it to a notch not to be gone to again and pissed on his floor

  19. MGV says:

    when: new years eve 2010

    inventory: 6 2liter bottle of beer, 3 1.5liter bottles of wine, a six pack, a 2liter bottle of vodka, a 2liter bottle of jack daniels and a liter of tequila, i believe we found about 2 liters of pure alcohol for 2 dudes and 2 girls

    aftermath: i’ve never been so drunk i couldn’t even put a cigarette in my mouth… i woke up with a huge pain in the neck and no pants nowhere… don’t know where they are even today

    we drank like crazy out of the bottle one after another beer after jack after stalinskaya vodka… the girls only drank a can of bear each the time i was still conscious

  20. onenightthing says:

    Soo I usually don’t drink or smoke at all. But a couple months ago my friends and I decided to go to a club downtown. We got dropped off and headed in line. My friends friends arrive and said she had some booze and smokes. So we of course wonder off to a park about a block away and start swiggin down apple vodka. So keep in mind this is technically my first first time heavily drinking and smoking. So I drink about 10 medium size swigs, once done I told my best friend cf that I didn’t feel a thing. I lit up a joint and smoked about 2 bowls. My firts time cross faded too. The next thing I know I have to go to the bathroom. I’m walking with cf and I start to feeel as if I’m in a dream. I’m thinkg what the F! This is a weird dream I’m in a dream right? Because I would never do this! I’m in a dream. But it feels so real. So by that point I’m in the porta potty pinching my self saying owww it hurst it hurts! I’m not dreaming! I stumble out of the bathroom and look wide eyed at cf and say ” omg I’m notdreaming it feels likea dreamomg I’m dreaming!” She laughs and we head back to the park. When we get there my other friend cut me off so I decided to go back to the club with my friend cf so we get in line and I’m saying high to people I barely know and totally talking yto them like I’ve known them my whole life. We decide to cut and go to the front were I see some of my friends so I’m talking to them and their asking if I’m drunk while I’m saying noooooooo! And finally I get in and I start walking up to random guys saying no nope noooo because I thought they all were ugly!!!by that time I’m socrossfaded.! My friends like are u drunk and I seperatee two fingers and slurr alitttle. :) by than I’m feeling sick so I go to the bathroom but there’s a security gaurd I walk out and walk back to the entrance and as I’m leaving the gurl goess are you okay? And I start crying say my moms making me come home blah blah I leave and walk out and sit on the stairs were the concrete feels soo good. So keep in mind its 10 pm I’m crossfaded as hell, I’m all alone, its like 10 degrees out side and I’m in my shorts and tank top. So as I’m sitting on the ground a security gaird comes up and asks if I’m okay. I say I’m fine and I get up and start walking to the park. A guy asks if I’m okay and I start crying again saying my moms making me go home and I don’t want to go. He says ill walk you home! I say no no I live just a couple blocks away. So I walk to the park and once I get to the bark I puke up my guts. I keep walking till I’m at the baseball feild and I curl up my back against the cement wall my body in the cold wet bark and lay down and just start puking. I feell like shit and idk where or how I’m gonna find my friends and get to her house. So I’m laying and my phone rings. Its cf she’s wondering were the f I am I try talking to her but it makes me more sck and I keep dry heaving! So I call her back and text her and eventually say PARK. She gets it and heads over. Wile I’m laying puking some kid walks by and says ohh shit soome ones puking! Nicce! I than hear cf voice and I mumble/slur heree. And she hears me and gos omg there she is! Her and rc rush over and start PATTING my back whitch makes me even more sick! So I’m cussing swearing them up and down telling them to leave me leave me but nooo . Eventually they get some guys to help in into the car when I start sadly flirty with a guy saying I wish I had. Him for a christmas presen to please me and I look up and I’m like shit I look so bad :/ and o had mud and bark all over my face. Finallt rc is like our rides here so were walking I xan barely walk I want to curl up in a ball and sleep or pass out witch ever came first. And a cop comes up and was like is she okay? My friend goes oh oh yeah she is she has food poisoning ate some bad pasta :0 I can barely keep my head up and we keep walking I get into the car and semi sleep. Thn we transfers car again, and I’m dead to the world I go inside and crash on the bed :))) and that’s my drunk story :)) it was hella of a night !!

  21. tim says:

    partying with my wife and after several Jager shots she is leaving the bar with some strange dude, I ask where she is going and she replies he wants to do me, speaking about her new friend, I am like what? I figure she is joking so I walk behind them and next thing I know she is getting into his van, I knew any minute she was going to stop and say gotcha, but to my surprise she continues and does things I knew she never would. Next morning she is like what happened last night and she has no idea what happened, apparently she had experienced a blackout, I had never seen anyone during a blackout I just thought she was really drunk. Oh the power of Jagermeister.

  22. Michelle says:

    it was my first college party and i went with 2 girlfriends of mine. i was waiting for a guy friend of mine to show up, wasnt supposed to get too wasted without him. within an hour frame i had 6 cups of jungle juice, 5 shots of vodka, and 3 rounds of beer pong. i was straining to see the texts from the guy and my friend had to help me see the words on the phone. my guy friend finally arrived about 10pm. this house was built upon a hill, which is not a good thing when you are drunk. the last thing i remember is running down the hill back to the house after meeting him out front and totally biffed it on the gravel. cut up on chin, foot, and knee (still have the scars to prove it). there was blood running down my leg and covering my pants (actually needed stitches but i never went to the hospital, everyone was too drunk). after this i am going off of what other people told me. i realized i was bleeding about 30 mins later and felt no pain. asked at least 6 times what happened. i was drinking more and more and my friends were trying to give me more. the guy friend kept trying to take the drinks away from me, i actually had alcohol poisoning at this point, but i kept cussing him out and hitting him. i apparently leaned over the counter and fell into a cake and had red frositing all over my legs and shirt. i repeatedly lost my cell phone and half the time it would be in my pocket or one time it was in my hand. i went outside and vomitted several times. we decided it was time to head back home at 1am. my guy friend drove me home, but i wasnt coherent enough to know where my house was. he took me to a friend of our’s house where i layed on the floor in the middle of the room cuz i said it was very comfortable. tried to go down the stairs to the bedroom and fell down the stairs. had to go the remaineder of the way down on my butt. passed out on the couch and awoke at 3am to my guy friend and the friend of ours wrapping my leg up cuz i was bleeding severly. i awoke the next day with a pounding headache, not remembering what happened. covered in blood and cake frosting. went through my phone only to find several drunk pictures i dont remember taking and a video of me falling on top of my friend and together we fell down the stairs. it was interesting to find out what happened the next day. greatest night of my life.

  23. Got Ya Tim says:

    Your wife was freaky Tim! Thanks for sharing!!!

  24. heather says:

    I remember last year on the Fourth Of July we were having some friends over for a get together. One of my friends from down the street brought a case of Mickey’s beer while I was at the store stocking up on Wine Coolers. Well she came over and handed me a MIckey’s and she had one herself. After about 3 Mickey’s I was feeling rather good. I downed a few wine coolers and by then I was rather tipsy so me and her decided to go down the inflatable waterslide we own. I slid down and out the end and I couldn’t get out of the thing so my friend had to pull me out. We had more Mickeys. I was starting to walk funny and decided to go down the slide some more. As I neared the end I got accidently kicked in the nose by anothe friend who was getting out of the slide. He didn’t know I was behind him. I got out of the slide and downed another wine cooler whiched was unbenownst to me spiked with vodka that some friends figured it would be funny to see me drink,. After that me and my friend walked (we were both shitfaced drunk) and lay down in the middle of the street to dry off. The next thing I knew she was turning me over on my back and slapping sunscreen all over my face. “you gonna burn if you dont’ get shun schreen.” were here words. I got up (fell down twice) and tried to dial my work numbr to call in sick.. I nearly dialed (510) 783-86332fh5836 ion my phone rather than my work number. I don’t rememver how I got into my house that evening but the next day my aunt told me I had to have one person on either side of me walking to make sure I didn’t fall over. I doubt very much I am gonna do that anytime soon…especially when my friend told me I was “barking” at people passing by on our street and that I was “hellbent” on going to get more wine coolers.

  25. mojorizin says:

    Alright, if you guys got a problem with drugs other than alcohol or a victimless drunk driving story, I will kindly invite you to stop reading NOW or continue at your own risk. I was seeing a worn out 42 year old lady (i’m 41) for about 3 weeks. It was starting to get old bc she would flirt with me, let me sleep in her bed, but give me no phyiscal contact whatsoever. I’m a lonely old drrunk, got it? Anyway, one afternoon her older lady friend sells me about 20 mg of Xanax. I’m already high on two quad stack ex tabs, and I’ve smoked some pot. The only thing I really don’t have on board is booze, but if you know anything about xanax then you know I was fucking loaded like a freight train. flying like an airoplane, and it’s as bad or worse than all but very high quanitites of alchohol., I had about half a four loko, which is pussy territory looking at you guys. But I had no business behind the wheel. I think I’m staying at J’s house again ithe lady) but I get really pissed off at her because her older lady friend comes over and mentions (within earshot of course) that she is ready to join my lady friend in a FFM threesome, and the M will be paid for his services. Well, I’m not standing for this. NO WAY! So I decide to drive back to town. It’s getting dark and about to rain…

    About 1.5-2 hours later, it’s pouring down rain, I’m fucking lost out on the edge of the county proper (only desert beyond) and I’m just trying to find the way back to the freeway and I think I almost have. I make a slow right turn on a surface street and WHAMMO! Out of nowhere this other car plows into mine. It”s a head-on collision. I start to see Jail in my very near future. I stagger out of my car, my forehead bleeding from an open cut above my eye. I look like I’ve just gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson, okay?

    So the cop (all I remember was one Highway Patrol officer) asks me if I’ve been drinking. I slur out my denial in obvious fucked-up tongue tied fashion. He asks me a couple of more times. I admit to having half a four loko! he whips out the breathalyzer, But remember, I’ve been driving around now for a while, I’m big (200 lbs.) and I’m a guy. So the breathalyzer likely doesn’t go off. They ambulance driver tries to “good cop bad cop” me into admitting any drugs I’ve taken because he’s “just wants to know” So I tell him “Xanax and Exctasy” without missing a beat.

    They load me into the back of an ambulance and take me to the hospital. Where the dreaded blood test is done. Their gonna find a whole soup of drugs in there. I remember telling the doctor something about the fact that I just got my teaching license and I can’t have a dUI,. She tells me she needs urine too. Great.

    Then I go to sleep for about 5 hours. When I wake up, I am alone in a hospital room. Still pleasantly buzzed from the xanax and the e, but a little to worried to enjoy it. i can see a long year of lawyer’s fees, hassles with my license, drivng a cheap car that will make me look like a jerk, and having NO CAREER prospects whatsoer.

    But there are no cops here waiting to take me to jail, wtf?

    I walk out of the hospital about 3 am. There is a cab waiting to take me home, and the hospital is paying for it.

    I get the police report about two weeks later. it contains at least one mistake. The box he’s supposed to check if you’re drunk isn’t. And the box your supposed to check if there are drugs in your system isn’t. And the box that he’s supposed to check if you had an open contaner isn’t checked either. There was an open can of GRape four loko that had burst upon a high velocity impact lying in the bottom of my jeep when I went to “identify the remains” at the impound lot. Also there is a full four loko. I drink it as soon as I get home.

    In addition, had the accident been at the location he specifeis and the cars been traveling at the speeds indicated, I would not be typing this today. The other guy was supposed to be going 50 mph DOWN A HILL THAT IS NOT TO STEEP BUT TOO STEEP TO RIDE A BIKE UP ON A HOT DAY. IT IS VERY STRAIGHT SO HE IS NOT SLOWING DOWN FOR SHIT. I AM GOING 45-50 ACCORDING TO THE REPORT. I have no airbags in my car. I am wearing a seat belt. I walk away from my car. Remember that.

    Someone, somewhere here is lying, and it’s not me. Because I have no motivation to . Could the other guy have been drunk? could it have been his fault? okay, then we just have a case of two dUIs. right? right. but what if the other guy had the hook up? What if he is the CHP officers friend/ co-worker/ family member/ other close associate?

    Or did I just get lucky?

    I refuse to die unitl I get to the bottom of this! As soon as the statute of limitations expires, I start looking into things.

    If this sounds like a bad mystery novel, it’s not. It’s my life,

    Thank you for your time, and since I am the least to pass judgement, please stay safe out there! this makes a funny story but I went through three weeks of very stressful living for that!

    And my car and license, well the cars gone, but the insurance takes care of that and since i don’t have to hire a lawyer, I’ll score a cool new ride soon enough. Not eager to get behind the wheel, though my drug use and drinking have slowed to a crawl. And they couldn’t touch my license. The cop never sent the form into the DMV!!!

    p.s.please take this as a lesson on what NOT to do. i was extremely lucky. Chances are you will not be.

  26. Lena says:

    I went to a new years party earlier this year and I’m not sure what it was but it was a cocktail with mountain dew and vodka mixed with something else but it knocks you out in one sip and I woke up on a beanbag on the middle of a pool…

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